Return to Movie Reviews

King Kong

Okay, imagine, one day someone comes up to you and say, “hey, want to go on a trip to Skull Island? I’ll pay, first class the whole way, just a nice vacation.” For the love of all that is holy, Say No. Skull Island is not a lovely vacation spot, not somewhere to lounge on the beach drinking something with a little umbrella. No, it’s an island of skeletons and pain and ENORMOUS BUGS. Really, really enormous. And that’s not even getting into the Giant Freaking Monkey.

Yes, Skull Island is the setting for the majority of King Kong, Peter Jackson’s remake of the 1933 original. If you don’t already know the short story, a) where the hell have you been and b) here we go: movie producer, in this case played by the remarkably Not Annoying Jack Black is desperate to make a movie. He’s come across a map to a Mysterious Island and decides to film there. His lead actress backs out at the last minute, so he casts the Poor Man’s Nicole Kidman in her place. And the script isn’t finished, so he kidnaps the author, played by Wanna Be Hot Bad Guy Adrien Brody. Everyone on the ship is completely creeped out by the fact that they’re heading to Skull Island, and, honestly, who can blame them. They eventually get there and film amongst the Thousands of Skeletons. Of course, the island isn’t nearly as deserted as it seemed, the natives are creepy as hell and don’t like chocolate, and the PM’s Nicole is kidnapped and sacrificed to a Giant Freaking Monkey. That’s right, it’s Our Boy Kong.

Kong and “Nicole” get along famously, but the guys on board don’t think that’s such a great existence, so they go off to her rescue, fighting dinosaurs and GIANT, GIANT BUGS. (I need yet another shower, thanks, PJ.) Eventually, Adrien finds her, but the sleazy movie producer just uses that as bait to capture Kong and bring him back to New York. (Incidentally, they totally needed a bigger boat. No idea how Kong fit on the steamer.) So, using the Giant, Wild Monkey, Sleazy Producer decides to put on a show. Aside from the racist overtones of the natives’ depiction, the show goes well, until Kong figures out that the girl in the show isn’t “Nicole.” Then all hell breaks loose. Apparently, he likes the substitute. I wonder what would happen if he saw the real thing?

Anyway, much of New York is destroyed and damn the Empire State Building is taller than I remember. But go on and climb around on the slippery access ladders, “Nicole.” I’m sure you won’t have a problem with that in your tap heels. Nutjob. Kong is eventually taken down, but not before an increasingly creepy-feeling moment at the top of the building.

Overall, the effects were brilliant. There were a couple of places where I and my Movie Going Companion were a touch confused about what movie we were watching. Jurassic Park? Starship Troopers? And there were times when some scenes went on long enough to wonder if Peter Jackson had ever heard of an editor. But it was very entertaining, although stressful. And it’s always good to see Andy Serkis out of the motion capture studio. I expected nothing less from Peter Jackson and that may be the best thing you can say about this film.