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Seriously, one of the coolest movie intros ever.
Oh! Sean Bean!
And that's all for Sean Bean...for a long while, anyway.
You know, Frodo, calling him your dear Sam isn't helping the gay rumors.
I will protect you from the big flaming eye, my sweet Frodo. Fear not. I have a fire extinguisher and some rather nice burn relief ointment with aloe.
Has no one ever bothered to map most of Middle Earth? A cartographer could make a bloody fortune there.
So could a dentist, if they set up a practice beneath the Misty Mountains. Really Gollum. Just try the flossing. Really.
God, is Elijah Wood hot when he's holding a sword and being all...bossy...
I'd call him "master" all he wanted and I'm not even after the Ring.
Nothing like a mentally stable guide to make you feel better about a cheery trip to hell...
Ew. I can't believe Pippin actually tried to get the Uruk Hais' attention. What were they feeding Merry? Never mind. I don't want to know.
Poor Gimli. Whose idea was it to make the poor guy run? Probably Legolas. That guy strikes me as pretty, but dumb.
Hmmm... Did we need that obvious "what do your elf eyes see" reminder that Legolas is an elf, Aragorn? You'd think the pointy ears would be enough of a clue, though God knows we can't tell from the language.
Ew. How could those guys not know Saruman was a bad guy when he requires a blood oath?
You know what this movie is really missing? Ninjas. I should suggest that to Peter Jackson for the Return of the King Extended Edition.
Did the Rohirrim even check to see if there were any other survivors or did they just find the Prince and take off?
I'd manhandle Karl Urban for free. I wonder how much Wormtongue pays his minions. They probably don't get dental, though.
Run, Viggo, Run...
How weird is it that Orcs have a Cockney accent?
The minute I heard trees talking, I'd put down the ax and step away. That's just common sense. Clearly, Saruman's training programs leaves much to be desired. Although it's nice to see they have no problem with cannibalism. I'd hate to see the Orc cafeteria, but it probably helps keep the food budget down.
An elf, a man and a dwarf walk into the Riddermark. Stop me if you've heard this one...
Hey! That's Prince Legolas to you, Mr. Still Not King!
See? Time with the language tapes really pays off, doesn't it Legolas?
Yeah, Aragorn. I'm not seeing any tracks. I think you're making it up to impress Gimli.
Well, into the scary forest with the hiding spots or eaten by Orcs? Which would you choose?
Mmmm...Ents...
Orcs are squishy.
Again, the cartography issue raises its ugly head. And a bit of a landfill problem with this bog. Have they not heard of proper drainage?
Thank you, Drama Gollum, for your lovely performance. Our people will call your people and we can do lunch.
And do keep your hands off my sweet Frodo or I'll have to hunt you down, Gollum.
Clearly Frodo and Gollum are having an angst competition of some kind, what with the food drama and the suicide attempts. You have to feel for Sam. Add that to the issues around having a guide who breaks into poems at random intervals and this trip just keeps getting better and better.
Duh, Sam. Didn't Aragorn say in the last movie that the Nazgul were neither living not dead? So how could they be dead?
How does Gimli know what Orc blood tastes like? Wait. Forget I asked. I don't want to know.
See, Legolas? Now you've got the hang of the elvish. Well, one sentence anyway.
So, Gandalf battled the Balrog to learn the value of backlighting then? You'd think there would be some kind of correspondence course he could have taken instead. But at least he took the time to brush his hair and get a manicure. I guess that's something.
The "Lord" of all horses seems a bit...feminine, doesn't he?
Is it any wonder that New Zealand tourism is on the rise as a result of these movies? The scenery is amazing.
Why did this scene with Aragorn and Gandalf explaining the story get cut from the original release? Did Peter Jackson want to confuse the audience?
Yay! Back to Frodo!
I had no idea that evil army guys wore eyeliner. Good to know.
Hm. That cuddling under the cloak thing isn't helping the gay rumors either guys.
Yeah. Smeagol always helps. Yeah.
Hasn't anyone ever told Merry and Pippin not to drink mysterious liquids?
Wormtongue should feel lucky that Eowyn wasn't armed just them. She probably would have cut off more than his eyebrows.
For someone who said in the last movie that he wasn't a conjurer of cheap tricks, Gandalf sure uses cheap lighting tricks quite often.
Nice. Saruman bleeding out his eyes is a really nice touch.
I can't believe Aragorn left an enemy alive. Has playing the Devil taught Viggo NOTHING? This is exactly why he's not King yet.
Does anyone else find it disturbing that Aragorn speaks more elvish than Legolas? Maybe he should be tutoring the poor guy.
Ooohhh... is Saruman feeling a little jealous of Galdalf the WHITE, hmmm? Maybe another wizard smackdown?
What is Theoden talking about? How can they be defeated if they haven't fought yet?
Dude, could Saruman have a more obnoxious minion?
Wonderful. Now Frodo has PMS. Sam should have taken a cruise instead. God, Frodo is still hot though, even when he's being a total wanker.
I'm glad none of my inner voices sound like Gollum. That would be enough to keep me up nights.
Nothing says "I Love You" like a couple of dead rabbits. Or so Glenn Close thought, anyway...
I love how Frodo manages to stay relatively clean throughout this entire movie. I'm just very impressed by that.
STOP MANHANDLING MY SWEET FRODO!!!!!
Thank goodness Eowyn has people to cook for her. She should look into inventing the microwave.
Is long life a blessing? Maybe Eowyn is jealous and is trying to kill him with that stew.
Ugh. Arwen. I'm going to look for a snack.
Mmmm...cookies...
Hugo Weaving was fantastic in The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. He pulled off those dresses really well. I wonder if that experience helped him deal with the robes in this movie.
Dude, Legolas is pretty bad ass with that bow. And the jumping onto the moving horse thing!
Hey! Legolas didn't even slow down when Gimli fell off the horse! Stupid, snotty elf!
So, Boromir's gauntlets really came back to bite you in the ass, didn't they Aragorn? That'll teach you to rob the dead.
Wormtongue, Sweetie? Please keep the fire away from the gunpowder. Thank you.
I think Saruman may have overstated the case a bit by saying there won't be a dawn for men. I mean, there are men in Gondor and Mordor, even some in Saruman's service. He generalized a bit, that's all I'm saying.
Arwen again. I'm going to get some milk for these cookies.
How long has Saruman been evil? Because if he's been evil for a while, Gondor should have considered the war on two fronts problem ages ago.
Yay! More Sean Bean! He's so...shiny...
Nice ale commercial, guys. You should start your own brewery after Aragorn takes over Gondor.
Denethor is kind of a jerk.
If the penalty for entering the Forbidden Pool is death, is asking for a single sign with that information too much? I mean, the warning might be inherent in the name, but did that keep Harry Potter out of the Forbidden Forest? I don't think so.
How did Faramir figure out Frodo had the Ring just from Gollum freaking out about his precious? He must be a genius.
Hey, watch it with that sword so close to my sweet Frodo, you big bully!
NOW, Legolas chooses to speak elvish?! And to tell Aragorn he's LATE?! That's it. You're not even trying, are you? Give me back those language tapes.
If the Rohirrim are so desperate for soldiers, you'd think they'd dispense with the social mores and give some of the ladies swords and bows.
Historic Ent meeting and yet no refreshments. What a rip off.
Hey Eowyn, if they won't let you fight, you should disguise yourself as a man and go off to fight anyway...oh.
Okay, we've lost Theoden. He's gone mental. Of course, if I heard 10,000 orcs were coming over, I'd probably go poetic as well. I mean, the menu alone would be a nightmare to plan.
Yeah, well, kid, it is hopeless. And there's no Santa Claus, either.
Haldir is far too pretty to need a helmet. It might mess up his hair.
Ah! Theoden! Find wood and knock on it Right Now! Is this all you can conjure...sheesh...
See what you did! Are you prepared for Rohan to host the Olympics? I didn't think so. The media alone would probably use up all your food stores. Those guys are like locusts.
Huh. I guess Haldir could have used that helmet after all. Do all elves hear music when they die?
What a useless spot for a side door! Whose idea was it to have a door that leads nowhere? It looks like something out of the Winchester Mansion.
My Sweet Frodo isn't looking so good. I bet it's the lembas.
I love this Ent battle music. And how scary would that sight be? A bunch of walking trees coming to kick your ass...
Yeah, again with the not looking so good, Frodo. I'm starting to worry about you.
That is a big horn, my friend. And I do mean that.
Why didn't the Rohirrim try a cavalry attack in the first place? Aren't they the horse lords? It's like when Voltron always waited until the last minute to form the giant robot with the sword.
Again with the cheap lighting effects, Gandalf. We are not impressed, although we are impressed with your impeccable timing.
Saruman, as a wizard, should have seen this coming. Or he should have called one of his psychic friends. Surely he has some.
Sheesh. Now we've lost Frodo. At least he isn't poetic about it. Sam must be acting as his Designated Poet for this movie.
God, he's still hot when holding a sword, though.
More movies should have man-eating trees.
It's pretty nice of Faramir to give them directions to hell. You'd think he would have owed Frodo one after Boromir tried to kill him, though. Upholding the family honor and all that.
Does Gandalf ever have anything positive to say? He probably doesn't get invited to that many parties.
How beautiful is Elijah with the sun coming through the trees right at the end here? He's so pretty. Sigh...
Gollum could use some serious counseling. What with the multiple personalities and the homicidal tendencies.
Yeah, I could go see Return of the King.
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