Because nothing says Hot and Bad like my mother’s Turkey, here are some movies you can use to distract your family from invasive questions about the rate of your breeding or why you’re still not married.
Spider-Man - I know I find Wanna Be Hot Bad Guy Tobey Maguire very distracting, especially in that blue spandex. This one also stars Wanna Be Hot Bad Guy James Franco and Too Creepy to Joke About Guy Willem Dafoe.
Not enough Tobey Maguire for you? Well, check out The Ice Storm, which stars Mr. Maguire alongside Hot Bad Guys Kevin Kline and Elijah Wood. (Warning, Mr. Wood was, like, 16 when he filmed this, so keep your perving to yourself.)
Still not good enough for you? Don’t go for Mr. Maguire’s particular brand of Geek Chic? Well, how about Scent of a Woman with Hot Bad Guy Al Pacino and Wanna Be Hot Bad Guy Chris O’Donnell? It’s even set over Thanksgiving Weekend and everything.
Of course, you need something to fill the time after you’re finished watching the movies and zoned out by tryptophans. Try regaling the family with stories about the chemistry of Thanksgiving. Or you could make one of those old hand drawings making your fingers the tail of the turkey and paste on your favorite (or least favorite) Hot Bad Guy’s face.
Even better, to work off all those extra calories, make up a sheet for Hot Bad Twister. Have each row be a different category (Hot, Cool, Creepy, Kids, Objects) and each circle is a face. For example, Right Hand Creepy, try going for Too Creepy to Joke About Guy John Malkovich. But if you miss and get Hot Bad Guy Ben Affleck instead, you’re out. As an alternate rule, when you land on a face, you have to do an impression of that actor, which will encourage competition for different spots.
As far as the food goes, I defer to the inimitable Rachael Ray on this one. Or, you know, Grandma.
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