Go back to Essays, Ramblings and Other Mutterings Go back to your Home!
Welcome to the Very First Edition of Princess' Top Six. Why six, do you ask? Because five is too few to work with, and frankly I'm too lazy to come up with ten. So, here we go...
6 - Christian Bale as Patrick Bateman in American Psycho. A wonderful scene. In fact, the only reason it isn't ranked higher is because it isn't strictly gratuitous. Apparently we're supposed to learn that Mr. Bateman is a nutbar from his daily ablutions, as if watching him hacking coworkers to death with an ax isn't enough for us.
5 - Sean Bean and some girl in Lady Chatterly. Also, not strictly bathing, which explains its position on this list. Mr. Bean and some girl go frolicking around in the rain completely stark nekkid. And we can see Mr. Bean's, ahem, personals, albeit briefly and through strategically placed leaves. Still, it's the kind of scene that dreams are made of. The really nice ones. Also, more Sean Bean in various scenes in the Sharpe movies. At several points in time, Mr. Bean, as Richard Sharpe in the Sharpe movies, removes his shirt to bathe for no other reason than to remove his shirt. (He also takes off his shirt to teach a battalion how to fire three rounds a minute with a musket, but there is, alas, no bathing there. Still, it should be noted.) Anyway, these scenes are fantastic and really keep you hoping for more.
4 - Colin Firth as Valmont in Valmont and as Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice. As Mr. Darcy, he jumps in a lake, after shedding most of his restrictive 19th century outfit, in order to wash off traveling dust. And that white shirt leaves hardly anything to the imagination. As Valmont, he's wearing a good deal less in a particularly nice bathtub scene. There's a servant there, but still. It just gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside.
3 - Ioan Gruffudd as Horatio Hornblower in Hornblower: Mutiny. So, there I was, innocently watching Horatio Hornblower, when all of a sudden, Mr. Gruffudd is stark nekkid and being sprayed with a hose on the deck of the ship. That's right. Stark Nekkid. Sigh... We're choosing to ignore any homoerotic overtones related to bathing on a ship full of men in favor of hitting rewind over and over and over and over...
2 - Emilio Estevez as Billy the Kid in Young Guns. While startling that someone who doesn't appear on our lists would beat out notorious Hot Bad Guys Sean Bean and Colin Firth, Mr. Estevez's bathing scene in Young Guns is far more gratuitous than Mr. Bean's or Mr. Firth's. Does he need to dictate a letter to Hot Bad Guy Kiefer Sutherland while smoking a cigar and soaking in a bath? Certainly not. Does it appear in the movie for any other reason than to lead in to a clear shot of Mr. Estevez's nekkid behind? Yeah, we don't think so either.
1 - Kenneth Branagh, Denzel Washington and That Kid Who Killed Himself in Dead Poets Society in Much Ado About Nothing. It doesn't get any more gratuitous than this. To kill time during the credits of this movie, we get to see numerous nekkid behinds as an entire battalion of Italian soldiers get down and clean in their hosts bathing area. Water fights and, if you're watching on TV, random fuzzy patches ensue. Is there a reason for this madness? Nope. But it's presence makes us happy.
Copyright 2003 HotBadGuys.com